The Football Rant

Okay. I will finally admit it. I'm a Redskins fan. Yes, you read me right...Tex is a Washington Redskins fan. Now if we can move on from all the hisses and boos, I'll begin my rant.

#1 It's Monday Night Football, people. Schedule some decent fucking teams, for goodness sake. If I actually had a good game to watch I wouldn't be writing this post. Plus it seems that any time I walk out of the room the Skins do something good.

#2 Bandwagon fans piss me off. I've been a Skins fan since I was a kid. Don't ask why...maybe I was dropped on my head as a baby, but at least I've been faithful through the good AND the bad. Not to knock those true Patriots fans, but what's up with all these other losers becoming a Pats fan overnight?!? Give me a break. I don't give a shit if you think Tom Brady is hot. This is football, not Chippendales. And it's not just the Pats...any team that just so happens to win the Super Bowl suddenly has an increase in fan club memberships.

#3 Eli Manning has got to be the biggest crybaby that ever graced the NFL. Stop crying Eli...it's football. Tom Brady, that goes for you too. If a defensive player grazes his finger nail across your jersey, that should not result in a penalty. Just because you're a quarterback doesn't mean you won't get the shit knocked out of you from time to time. If you can't handle it, I'm sure there is a nursing home that would love to have you as a recreation coordinator.

#4 Back to the Skins. Jim Zorn was recently relieved of his play calling duties. So why is it, Jim, that you're still wearing a headset? Are you talking to your mom? Ordering a pizza? Calling those 900 numbers to get some excitement in your life?

#5 The Redskins have some amazing talent. So why...WHY...do they look like a pee-wee football team running around with their helmets on backwards? My team has absolutely zero chemistry. It's sad that we have players like Clinton Portis, Santana Moss, Chris Cooley (I could go on) and they are all playing like they've never seen a football before.

#6 Whose idea was it to draft Jason Campbell? Seriously, I think it's time for me to step in at quarterback...or any position, for that matter.

#7 I love it that T.O. went to the Bills and now we don't hear anything about him. It's lovely.

#8 Why is Michael Vick back in the NFL? Oh, wait...Ray Lewis is a murderer and they let him play. God forbid we deny the dog killer a uniform.

#9 Cris Collinsworth pisses me the fuck off. Dude...SHUT UP already. Some of the dumbest shit comes out of your mouth. You're hurting my head. I'd rather jam an ice pick in my ear that listen to you ramble on about absolutely nothing. I think you hung out with Madden one time too many.

#10 Okay, this last one isn't a rant. It's not often that I have a crush on an NFL ref, but Ed Hochuli is freakin' hot. He's old but he's hot. Have you seen his guns?? I love it when he signals a first down. Maybe the Skins should draft Ed....

I'm done. This concludes the Monday Night Football rant. Come back soon...I'm sure there will be more.

Conviction

Something happened last night that caused me to take a second look at my life and do a little reevaluation.

Captain and I went to grab a bite to eat at a fast food restaurant and the minute we walked in it just seemed strange. The first guy we ran into was visibly pissed off and almost took my foot off by kicking over a sign. After we ordered and sat down both of us started taking note of all the interesting people around us. We attributed this to the rain. When it rains down here, all the crazies come out.

After the angry guy, we made an observation that another individual was sitting alone, obviously drunk. He was stumbling around the restaurant and was a little creepy. Then there was the elderly gentleman who was dressed very simply asking one of the restaurant workers to fill the ice machine but because the worker only spoke Spanish, there was a small communication problem.

Then came the young man. As he walked to his table he was wearing a permanent smile. Before I knew it I was getting Captain's attention to point this out. It turns out that this young man was probably autistic and I didn't realize this until I had already passed my judgement on him.

Within minutes I had tears in my eyes. Who am I to sit back and judge people I don't even know? Who am I to point out the flaws in others when I have so many of my own. Captain saw my tears and we left the restaurant. I think we both felt the same thing and when he asked me what was wrong, I couldn't hold back my sobs. Yes, it was wrong of me to look at this young man and poke fun. But you know what killed me more than anything? I pondered how awesome it would be if it was me that had the permanent smile. It made me realize that I look at myself, and the world, in such a negative light. When people smile it makes me smile and this doesn't happen often enough.

We are all so absorbed in our own lives that we fail to take into account that other people are suffering. Remember the angry guy? What made him so angry? Maybe he had a fight with his wife, got laid off, forgot his wallet at home. And the drunk guy. I can only imagine the day he had as it was around 6 p.m. when we saw him. The cute little elderly guy was dressed so simply and here I am concerned that I don't have enough clothes or shoes when my closet is full.

Suddenly I felt sick to my stomach.

Nobody likes feeling convicted. It sucks. I think because it makes me realize how prideful I am. How selfish and self-centered I am. And when it takes a situation like last night to get my attention...well, let's just say I deserved that slap in the face. This isn't to say that I won't rant and rave about some idiot in the future, I know I will...but I'm going to make an effort to at least be a little more understanding of peoples situations.

Random Tuesday: Day of Procrastination

~ It's a rainy, cold day here in San Antonio. Which, in Texan terms means it's in the low 70's. Days like today make me super happy that I don't have to deal with rush hour traffic and people that don't know how to drive in the rain. All the crazies come out when it rains. If it ever snowed here the city would self destruct in seconds.

~ I've always been a firm believer in a good handshake. Don't extend a limp hand my way because I'll squeeze the shit out of it. There have been instances, however, that I'd like to implement a handshake redo. Sometimes you can't quite gauge how quickly (or slowly) someone is moving toward you and the handshake ends with a hand collision that causes me not to shake properly. I hate that. Wimpy handshakes give me the creeps, especially when it comes from a guy. Man up, bitches.

~ My mean ass Doberman is afraid of the rain. He won't even go outside. What a pansy. And since our backyard is a huge mud pit I take him out front to pee. I'm sure the neighbors love my look...tennis shoes, flannel gingerbread man pajama pants that are a tad too short, a huge sweatshirt, and my stylish morning mohawk.

~ It still amazes me that I get Facebook friend requests from people who treated me like total shit when I was younger. I wasn't your friend then, ass wipes, so why would I want to be your friend now? Bother someone else.

~ Working from home has given me more opportunities to cook, which I love to do. It's therapeutic in a way and I've discovered that I'm quite good at it. I'm sure Captain will back me up on this one.

~ I have yet to start Christmas shopping. Every year I do this to myself and every year I swear I won't do it again. Alas, here we are...mid-October and not a single present purchased.

~ Last year was the first Halloween in our house. We loaded up a huge bowl full of sugary treats for the little ones, convinced we had plenty. We ran out in the first hour. Apparently our neighborhood is a revolving door for trick-or-treaters and we failed to plan accordingly. The best part about it, though, were the kids' reactions to Sabre. Some were scared to death since he outweighs them by a good 60+ pounds yet others would squeal with delight. There's something really cute about that.

~ What should I do about a friend that owes me money? Not just a few bucks...it's for a painting I did for them and have yet to see payment. I hate bringing up the money issue, but I'm starting to get pissed.

Random Tuesday: Tex Lives

I'M ALIVE! To say that the last few weeks have been hell is an understatement and I thought Random Tuesday would be the perfect fit for my return since I've literally been all over the place.

~ My sister and her husband came to stay with us a couple weekends ago and our issues have been resolved. This is a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. We had an awesome weekend and I'm so grateful for that.

~ Why is it that every time I step into my backyard I smell weed?

~ I find it interesting that I get along better with friends I've never met that friends here in town. Don't get me wrong, I have a couple of the greatest friends anyone could ever ask for but it seems that the people I have the most in common with live half the country away.

~ I'm excited to share that I'm painting pointe shoes for the Ballet San Antonio event taking place in a few weeks. This is the biggest thing that's happened to me in a long time and my work will get publicity that I previously only dreamed of.

~ Fantasy football is taking up some of my spare time and I love it. I'm the only girl in the league so the name of my team is Cover Your Balls. I thought it was fitting especially since I've won some games. Eat your heart out boys!

~ I'm in desperate need of coffee right now but had to settle for a Coke Zero since we're out.

~ It irritates me that some people have no imagination.

~ My old job seems to want me back which is a compliment in a weird way. I've gone in to do some contract work and didn't hesitate when they asked what my rate was. Knowing that I might have to negotiate, I started high and luckily for me they paid me what I originally asked for. Yay for me.

~ Captain has been off for several weeks and he's starting to go stir crazy. The plane went in for routine maintenance and they found a crack on the tail which is better found now than when he's flying. Captain has even been doing "man" projects for my friends to pass the time. We've watched more movies over the past few weeks than I have in the past several years.

Hopefully, I'll be more mindful of my blog in the future. Today is the first day I feel like my head is screwed on somewhat straight. Thanks to those of you who checked on me during my no-show month.

Funny Ha-Ha, not Funny Weird

Okay, something else funny to share. It's still too early for me to even think about laughing, but this did the trick:

http://twitter.com/shitmydadsays

Enjoy!

Say No to Crack

We went to a concert recently and I can't believe I got away with taking this picture, flash and all, without anyone noticing. Ladies, if you sit down and your pencil holder is showing, buy a bigger pair of jeans.

Random Tuesday

~ During last nights workout, I clocked myself in the chin by doing shoulder presses with a barbell from which I now have an awesome bruise. I'm sure people will wonder if I'm a battered woman.

~ Squirrels seem to have taken over my backyard and have started destroying my plants. My simple solution? Toothpicks. It may sound like torture but I think it's genius.

~ I'm working part-time from home for a company here in town. It's nice to have a steady, yet small, paycheck but I'm getting sick and tired of being micromanaged. I was told the other day how my day should be prioritized and it pissed me the fuck off. Do you want me to continue working for you on minimal pay? Then shut the fuck up and let me do my job.

~ I have a serious addiction to Farkle on Facebook. Wanna spend hours doing nothing? Farkle. In need of a way to make your right arm go numb from being on a computer for so long? Farkle. Have no life? Farkle. You see where this is going...

~ Recently, I've had a craving for my first tattoo. My mother will kill me especially because it will be somewhere not easily covered up.

~ There are some days that I miss my real job especially when I want to bitch about something to my favorite friend who sat right around the corner from me. It's not so convenient to bitch any more. But there are more days that I don't miss that job...

~ I've been thinking about going back to school for another degree. I'm not sure why.

~ Something crazy awesome happened the other day. Remember those pointe shoes I painted? Well, not only am I getting requests for them but in my search for someone here in town to purchase shoes from I might have opened up a huge door. I met with a Board member of Ballet San Antonio on Monday. They are interested in what I do and have a huge event in which my shoes will be displayed for sale and silent auction. I am beyond thrilled about this opportunity, especially about the publicity my art will receive.

Hotel Pool Observations

We took a long weekend (or mini-vacation, whichever you prefer) and spent some time in Austin. Austin loves us and we love Austin. Since this was probably the last weekend Captain will have free we decided to go all out. Captain is quite the frequent traveler so we stayed on points at the Hilton in downtown Austin.

A few notes of warning if you ever decide to stay there:

1. Those fuckers charge you for every damned thing even if you are a Hilton Honors member. Workout in the gym? Not a chance unless you pay extra. I'm surprised the ice machine didn't require payment...
2. If you don't know how to bitch and get your way, take Captain with you. He will set those bastards straight (just one more thing I love about him).
3. Not once have a stayed in a full service hotel where my room smelled like feet after housekeeping was finished cleaning (hence the bitching and the switching of rooms).
4. Don't even think about taking your own cooler of beer to the pool. THEY DON'T ALLOW IT since they have their own lame-ass bar. TABC mother fuckers.... We came home with a shit load of beer that I was planning on drinking. But noooooo......we had to pay $5 per beer instead.
5. Stay in the Hampton Inn just a few blocks away. We will never stay at that Hilton again.

My primary goal in Austin was to lay out at the pool every day and drink myself silly, which I accomplished. And since I was so pissed about "no outside beer allowed" I turned up my iPod speaker as loud as it would go to piss off all the rich fucks that were there with their trust fund babies. I didn't edit my music...it all played. Metallica, Pantera and anything else that had curse words in it. I even think The Prodigy's "Smack My Bitch Up" played through as well. And I sang...loudly. I can't sing. Then I proceeded to smoke lots of cigarettes and didn't care whose face I blew it in.

Bitter, you ask? Not at all.

So since my lazy ass sat by the pool for hours on end (no sun poisoning this time!), I will share with you my observations.

~ There was a dude that was not embarrassed by the huge boil-like protrusion on his back. Seriously...GROSS. No one wants to see that shit on their vacation.

~ Across the pool there was this really hot chick laying out. I say "hot" because she had the body I wanted...almost. When she raised up to adjust her bathing suit, all I saw were two armpits full of hair. I almost threw up. Then she got in the pool and I almost threw up again knowing that when I got in there might be some floaters. When Captain joined me I told him of my discovery and he couldn't quit staring at the girl in hopes that she'd grace us with the hair again. When she did he laughed because it was kinda like a train wreck...you just can't look away.

~ Ladies, if you don't have the ass for wearing a thong in public please don't. Yes, I saw this too.

~ Why is it that some old guys feel the need to wear tight bathing suits that come up to their balls with the package on display for all to see. Dude, if your sweaty, wrinkly, shriveled up balls pop out of that thing I will punch you the fuck out. That is bloody disgusting. THEN he came and sat by us. Awesome.

~ We were graced with the presence of 2 bachelorette parties in one day. TWO. My observation was there are always the "bitches" and there are the 1 or 2 girls that totally do not fit in to the group they are with. It's like they are the friends that someone felt sorry for.

~ Not only were the bachelorette parties bad enough, but they are so fucking loud. So much for relaxing. All we heard was digidigidigidigiohmygoddigidigidigidigiohmygoddigidigidigi....I think they were talking but that's what I heard in really high pitched voices that would make a baby cry.

~ One more thing ladies. If you come to the pool there is no need for you to wear stiletto heels with your bathing suit. For the love of god and all that is holy...flips flops are approved pool attire. If anything would have made my day it would have been these bitches falling flat on their asses. I wouldn't have helped them up.

~ Thank goodness for sunglasses because if I didn't have them on people would know I'm staring at them.

Massive Project, Small Paycheck

Another art piece for your viewing pleasure. This is my sister's dance studio lobby and is my first project on such a large scale. I must say I had a blast doing this but probably broke all kinds of ladder safety rules in the process. The dancer was already on the wall...I just did the painting.

You might think this would be a good paying gig. Think again. If you need a history lesson, read this. To share how much I got payed for this would be embarrassing.

The Eagle Has Finally Landed

Good god...where have I been? To say the past few weeks have been like a fucking tornado ripping through my house is quite the understatement. Working from home is supposed to be easy, right?? Not so much. There have been many developments on every aspect of my so-called job and I've been pulled in so many directions it's insane.

First, I must share some fabulous news. Let me tell you that I have never been more proud of Captain and his accomplishments. Here is some background...

Captain has been a corporate pilot for several years. He loves his job so much that he usually tells people he flies for free but is paid to be available. It's an honor to be married to a man who truly loves what he does. SO...the big news is that, after over 700 days of waiting (stupid FAA bastards), we are now the proud owners of an air charter company. The main reason I'm so happy for Captain is that he, pretty much by himself, took this venture from simply applying for the certificate to actually walking in the house with a piece of paper making it official. I was almost afraid to touch the certificate afraid that it might disintegrate immediately...it was almost too good to be true! Not many people realize what a royal pain in the ass this whole process was. I helped whenever I could, typing pages upon pages of airplane mumbo-jumbo, trying to be understanding of his frustration with the FAA for taking so damn long, and finally being able to launch our website. The heavens opened up, angels were singing, beer was flowing, confetti fell from the sky. We have arrived.

So now the real work begins and I couldn't be happier.

On another front, my contract graphic design work is steadily increasing and I'm getting more requests for art related jobs. Quitting my "real" job was scary and I was afraid that there might come a day when I'd have to return to the office setting. Not gonna do it, bitches! I've been so busy that marketing myself has been put on the back burner. Referrals keep coming in which is hard for me to believe sometimes.

A few months ago, I took a part-time marketing job for a company here in San Antonio. The cool thing about it is that I still work from home but I'm actually on their payroll. It's not a ton of money, but at least it's a steady paycheck. I almost quit the other day though...my tolerance of ignorance is quite low and last week I almost felt like I was back at my office job dealing with the same bullshit again. I really, truly hate confrontation but last week I hit my breaking point and had to have a sit down with the boss. Thankfully I came out alive. It's kinda nice having someone that does not want me to leave and they will do anything to keep me working for them.

Moving on...

So, since this post is totally all over the place, I thought I'd leave you with another art project of mine (since I've been such a slacker lately and haven't posted anything...). I started painting pointe shoes and tap shoes several years ago and have actually sold a couple pair. It's a lot of fun and totally different that painting on a flat canvas. I like my variety, it keeps me entertained.